HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

FOSTERING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS OF ALL KINDS

There are many different types of relationships that a person can have. There are friend, family, mentor, advisor, roommate, intimate partner relationships and more. In all these relationships' communication is extremely important. Good communication in relationships includes being able to set personal boundaries and respect other’s boundaries, always asking for consent, having conversations about barrier method use with intimate partners, and getting tested for STIs/STDs and knowing your status. 

What are Personal Boundaries?

Personal Boundaries are guidelines or limits about how someone wants others to treat them. It is important in all types of healthy relationships- friends, family, partner, colleagues etc. 

Physical Boundaries

Refers to respecting personal space and whether or not someone wants physical touch

- - Intellectual Boundaries

Respect for others’ ideas and opinions

Emotional Boundaries
Respect for others feelings and energy levels i.e. don’t assume you know how someone else is feeling, allowing someone the time and space to share their feelings
Material Boundaries

Gift giving/receiving, sharing your personal items, splitting the bill etc.

Time Boundaries

Let someone know not to call/text you after a certain time of day i.e. your bedtime, when in class, when at work etc.

Sexual Boundaries

Examples: only wanting to have sex in a monogamous relationship, use of contraception and barrier methods, sex acts willing/not willing to do

Developing personal boundaries allows for clear communication and understanding, and will give you skills for having difficult conversations with others  - including conversations around consent, condom negotiation, and getting tested/knowing your status-

What is Consent and How Can You Ask For it?

Consent is an active process of willingly and freely choosing to participate in sexual activity of any kind with another person, it should be mutual, voluntary (not coerced), wanted, and enthusiastic. Consent can’t exist if a person is mentally incapacitated or physically helpless. 

- Ask the person you want to have sex with if they want to have sex with you.  
- Keep checking in- consent is on-going. 
- Ask your partner what they want. 
- “I really liked it when we______ what would you like to do tonight?”  
- Use the two-step method  
- Step 1: ask for what you want- “wanna have sex?”--- ”not right now.” 
- Step: 2 ask for something less “would it be okay if we just kiss?”---“not really feeling it”.  
- It’s important to respect the answer.

Discussing condom use (or any sexual issue for that matter) can be extremely difficult. But talking about this issue ahead of time is crucial.  In order to best negotiate condom use, check out the following tips:  

Make sure to get consent   
Be open mind about partners condom needs and choices, while also sharing yours.  
Get your facts straight on condoms and how to use them.   
It is crucial to talk about condom use before having sex    
Suggest purchasing/getting the condoms together

Do You & Your Partner(s) Know Your Status?

Discussing sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV/AIDS, can be extremely difficult. But talking about this issue ahead of time is crucial. In order to best communicate getting tested with someone else, check out the following tips:

- Get your facts straight on STIs, related risks and ways to prevent getting or spreading them
- It is crucial to talk about STIs, including HIV, before having sex and to ideally discuss in person
- Expect your partner to get defensive about this subject but explain that you want to talk about STI to protect your health as well as theirs. Respect their concerns and opinions 
- Consider suggesting getting tested with your partner before you have sex and frame it as a “ritual of modern dating”